Saturday, November 15, 2008

Of death

For a few months now I've been troubled by my mortality and the eventuality of death. Its as if with the running of the sands of time, my thoughts are turning towards the fact that I have but one life of which 50% is done.

Plagued with respiratory problems for a year now, suffocating to death, unable to draw a breath has occurred to me - and given my occupation, the chances that if it does happen I'll be all alone even more morbid.

A few months ago I had a dream in which I was told that 'my end was near'... it must have been playing at the back of my mind for last night I dream't along the same lines where this old woman predicted my death today! Somehow the sum of Rs 250/- came up and, as the dream went, there was a chance that I might avoid the fates if someone were to give me Rs200/-.

And in my dream I received it - two hundred rupee notes from two people, old woman included. Two people who obviously could not afford to give such a sum. That I live in a part of the world where life is cheap, that death during the course of travel is not unusual is not a help. That I am scheduled to fly this evening is a little scary, given that I flew in on the same airline to one of the worst landings I ever had.

On giving, I am a believer in doing so, in what manner I can, however small it may be. I am not indiscriminate in doing so, choosing to evaluate carefully the impact more often than not.

To return to my dream; I woke up with these images in my head and to the thought that I had 200 bucks in my bag, that I needed to carry it with me. I probably sound real silly for doing so, but I just stuffed the two notes into my wallet; just in case they do help.

If shit happens, and someone reads this, well I guess there is a thing called premonition after all. If it does happen, I just want you to know that I so wish there had been another way of proving it and living to tell the tale too.


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