Sunday, December 30, 2007

It draws closer...

Oh the end drags itself so painfully….. the last week has seem endless and I am certainly no closer to being in a working mood… me suspects that it will be around the second week of the new year that I will hit my stride.

It was rather coincidental that I happened to write about relationships a few days ago and how some of them had settled upon new planes. Two in particular stand out for as one meandered away another appeared.

Sometime last year my path crossed someone elses' and the experience was exhilarating; for along the way I made a friend. But, nothing last’s forever, and life is a never ending series of change. That for a while we shared common ground is what counts and I am happy for that encounter.

But as paths split, they also meet others and in life, nothings forgotten, nothings ever forgotten…. Pleasant it is when a path that one thought had disappeared should suddenly find its way back. And the wonder of friendship is that the really good ones pick up from where they dropped with nary a skip. This unexpected encounter has made me sit back and think about lost opportunities, about the doors that we never knock on for whatever reason, of the 'what ifs' of the past.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Another year...

The end of one and the dawn of another almost upon us and it's time to spend sometime in introspection, to look back as well as well as forward to see what the future holds....

This year has certainly been full of it's moments. I've been driven to the point of screeching (yes, I can screech) and soared like a bird at times. The lows of the early part of the year replaced by a high in this last 28 days.

The Mangroves is almost done, and though it has brought me almost to the steps of the poor house, I am so pleased with the fact that it is. Constrained though I have been been, the end result is something that I am happy with and that is ultimately what counts. It is with a sense of satisfaction that I contemplate having achieved this.

Friendships too played a significant role this year in my life, relationships redefined, some renewed, some to settle on a new plain. Ghosts of the past were laid to rest and I am at peace with many things that made me restless.

A few more days and 2008 dawns. As things are, I am looking forward to it! There are a few things that I need to adjust myself to fit in with a particular environment; working on it I am. I have to if I am to keep myself sane.

On the other hand there is Life, Hope, Wish and Desire!

I suspect that the next year will be an interesting one - the stage is set me thinks for an impromptu performance.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

"You become responsible, forever, for what you tamed" - The Little Prince

Christmas eve, and a moment etched in my mind; I am lost... fills my heart, fills my soul and I am desolate

Friday, December 21, 2007

All I want for Christmas is.....

For the first time in my adult life, I actually want something for Christmas. That what I want is already mine the twist to the tale.

The last week has been spent in another world, one very different to what my life is right now, and one that I am wishing was my reality. A chanced meeting, albeit brief, but the echos of that moment have rung across more than a decade to resonate again with the crystal notes of a ice cold mountain stream. My soul is dancing to the music of the cosmos, soaring in the sky....

Life, Hope, Wish and Desire..... this is what fills me......

Monday, December 17, 2007

From the darkness to the light

Looking through the viewfinder, it suddenly struck me how singularly reflective this image was. The light at the end of the tunnel is often considered to convey a sense of hope and yet, there are contexts within which it can convey something else altogether. A point which was driven in as I stood at the entrance of the passage on Goree Island, leading towards the gates of no return - -

Here the light was not to inspire hope, rather to lead into despair and a life time of servitude

This image though speaks to me differently. It conveys to me present and future, current and the promise of what tomorrow could bring. The ever moving waves, the constant change in my life, the lit path, where my steps take me out into the unknown and the promise of light and color in the future.....

Friday, December 14, 2007

Thursday, December 13, 2007

My life....

So many things going on around me, sometimes it feels like I'm on a roller coaster....

December is traditionally a month during which I am inclined to goof off, a tendency which I suspect is not peculiar to me alone. Fact is that having survived 11 months of the year, I figure I deserve a little time off to recuperate, prepare body mind and soul for the new year to come.

My year..... was certainly an interesting one, that I confess to. It surely had its moments. The year started off on a positive note. Professionally I was given responsibility for something which I was able to put my heart and soul into, and six months of rather exhaustive effort on my part certainly paid off. On the flip side, my relationship with my colleagues deteriorated significantly. Perhaps my demands too exacting, perhaps my bluntness. End result though, certainly more against me than in my favour.

I consider myself to be a principled individual. And I believe that these are not compromisable. I am exacting when it comes to my responsibilities and expect no less from those around me. Commendable attributes I like to think, but the nett result rather discouraging.

To balance my professional life, my personal life was at a high. The woman I love filled me in many ways, and the fact is that I could not think of anyone else but her to be there, to share my life with.

Come the mid part of the year, the chicken entrails suggested that I needed to divert my energies into something tangible, something constructive. Taking the advice literally I embarked upon building a retreat. Numerous permutations later the final draft was rather different to what I had envisaged, but quite pleasing to my not too discerning eye. The Mangroves was born. The end result has been quite satisfactory, and while much remains to be done; what has been done warms the cockles of my heart.

Around this time I also got to hit the road and travel back to Africa. It's strange that I always think of it as going back, but the fact is that I have developed such an affinity that it always feels good to do so. This time around I think I set a new record of sorts, 11 countries in 40 odd days. Exhausting, but oh so exhilarating too!

This year was also about personal relationships, more so than the last decade has been I think. New friendships were made and old ones re kindled. I consider myself a lucky man, for over the years I have been blessed with the friendship of some exceptional people. I will never find the words to express my gratitude for that but believe me, I am grateful. To each of you, I can only say that I love you. Some of you I have known for years, others have appeared in my heavens just recently. Each one of you knows me for what I am in varying degrees, some more intimately than others, but all of you have touched me.

An unexpected turn of events and, disconcertingly, things at home took a dive. Right now, there seems an uneasy balance of sorts, Perhaps the calm before the storm for I sense that more is to happen.... we shall see. I have come to some rather depressing conclusions though. The first is that a greater proportion of marriages now are shams. Perhaps they start off right,, but then, the demands of life begin to take their toll. It also takes a special kind of person to make things work too.

Oh life's paths...... I don't regret my choices, but you know, since of late, I've been thinking back to a time where I could have taken another path..... and I am wondering where that would have taken me.....

Wednesday, December 12, 2007


Stand up Mr Chilcot and take a bow sir, for voicing what most of us think!!!

Mr Chilcot, is Britons envoy to Sri Lanka. And the gentleman recently delivered an address at which he stated that Sri Lankan Parliamentarians could be bought

Now what he said is in reality something that most of us already think and an opinion I shared too till I was corrected and in a manner which left no doubt that I had been misguided in my opinion. Sri Lankan Parliamentarian's cannot be bought. That's a fact, and I want to make it clear that this is my stand.

Sadly the truth is that they can be rented. Retained if you wish until the next round of talks come about, until someone offers more perks, be in a position, financial benefits, whatever. The so called elected members of our government are corrupt, unprincipled and in no way qualified to hold the positions that they do.

That is the state our nation is in

Monday, December 10, 2007

The Mangroves

Of happy thoughts

I am happy. I feel so much within me, and yet cannot find the words to articulate what goes on inside me.... where do I begin?

That the winds of change had shifted I am left in no doubt, the last ten days have been good days for me and I cannot recollect feeling so complete as I have since the dawn of this last month of the year.... much like the star that herald a great event 2007 odd years ago, a star has appeared in my sky too.... soon to disappear perhaps, but for now, it fills my heavens with a light that is bright and warm and so right. For now, for the little time that I have, I will hold it.

The lagoon is littered with little coves and inlets that meander for a little distance before petering out. This weekend found me at ease alongside one, my thoughts miles away... it was pleasant to be there.

The paddle is relaxing, the physical exertion welcome. My mind, my self at peace.

I dared the open waters too, an attempt to paddle the surf. Perhaps not a good idea to do so by myself; for my attempt was a failier,
beaten back by the violence of the surf as it crashed the shore. The kayak's bouyancy is too much for a single person to manage. A lesson learnt.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

This path

Relationships, life, not an easy thing is it? Whatever I've been short off in life, the one thing that I have not been short of are good friends. Friends of the sort that you can say any jackass thing you want to, friends that you can call at 2am and bitch about some inane thing or the other, friends that you don't see for years and yet pick up where you dropped off from.

I've never been one to make friends easily; truth is, I rub most people off the wrong way. I am what I am and my life is guided by a few principles that I am not willing to compromise upon.... If this is difficult for some to digest, so be it.

But I digress....

Point I am trying to make, is that I 've got some really good mates. Some of them started of as lovers, before time and circumstances took us on different paths and yet, we managed to stay grand mates.... In my more emotional moments, I'm grateful to them all.

Monday, December 3, 2007

I feel good - (Click here!)

Ah, it feels good to be back.... on this last month of the year I feel good.

A swing in the wind Sarturday morn brought with it a sense of purpose and determination long missing in my life..... a sense of power which was only to grow stronger as the weekend progressed. Its good to be back, to be me.

The early part of the day was spent down at The Mangroves, work goes well, things are coming along nicely. I continue to be amazed at the sense of calmness that place weaves around me.

A night out to paint the town red that evening, to meet with old acquaintances and best of all, a friend. Life is strange in that way, you could know someone for many years and find nothing in common, or you could meet someone for a brief moment in time and have them touch you in a way that your soul dances. She is one such person. Someone I felt a sense of affinity to the moment we met, a sense of friendship that has withstood a decade during which our contact was of a bare casuality; and yet, knowing that just beneath the urbanity of our meetings, a sense of companionship.

Perhaps we will meet again, perhaps not, but the meeting has in its own way, brightened the light for me.

Saturday night was also a milestone for me I think. Something tells me that during the course of the evening, something went 'click'. I feel a sense of greater purpose now, that something of significance is about to launch itself.

Sunday, a few chores before lazing the rest of the day way...