Thursday, April 17, 2008


Physical exertion does little to help, frayed around the edges I am the victim of an over active mind.

The gym has been seeing me since Monday, and the ache in my body as a result of my workout, satisfying in some twisted masochistic way. But it hasn't calmed the waters. Immersing myself in a tome has not been effective either as I soon find myself blankly looking at the same page, long after I've read it.

3am and I am conscious again with barely 3hrs sleep, a regular occurrence now, abnormal for someone who has insisted upon a minimum of 8hrs sleep from the age of 21.

For some reason as I surfaced from what passes as sleep for me, a song that I heard recently was playing in my head - Lost.

There I lay, in that place somewhere between sleep and awake, Michael Buble singing in the background and me lost in a world so far from my reality that its scary sometimes. Its a strange sensation this, living two lives, one the reality a mere existence, the other, rich in color and sound, a life that fills me completely where I am happy, all that I can be, yet just a fantasy.

The ringing of church bells gradually drew me up and out eventually, to shower, dress and leave for work. I am still mildly disoriented, almost like an out of body experience... I know that the edges of my existence are frayed, I can almost feel the hanging threads, see the ends drawn out... the integrity of my cloth compromised... I wonder dispassionately if it will bear the strain, after so many washes the material is kind of threadbare, the strands not as strong as they used to be, the colors look quite faded...

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