Its fading

Slowly I find myself coming out into the light. The pain of the last few weeks gradually reducing into the back ground.

I am far from where I need to be, I don't think I can ever go back, but at least I find myself stepping back from the abyss.

What my path is going to be, I am yet to find out. But that I cannot stand here longer is obvious. I am not being fair to myself or those around me.

I look in the mirror, I don't like what I see there, it is too close to the surface, too raw. This time around, this time I will not come out of it so easily. I have tried to suppress myself, to do what I did before. I cannot. Perhaps I am no longer as resilient as I once was, perhaps I know that this is my last chance, that if I do not this time, it is never to be again. Twice my life brought me so close, but never as close as this time, never as definite as this time.

To know that this is so right and to know that it is never to be, this is my pain